A doctoral degree is by nature and tradition the highest certificate of membership in the academic community. As such, it is meant to indicate the presence of superior qualities of mind and intellectual interests of high attainments in a chosen field. All requirements and regulations leading to a doctoral degree are devices through which a student may demonstrate present capacities and future promise for scholarly work. In addition to my overwhelming and often shocking desire to conduct research and teach at the university level, I also recognize the importance of developing excellent research and writing skills, and their value in assisting the community.

            My motives behind attaining a doctoral degree stem from the belief that God has created me in excellence, and it is my responsibility to function as such. Although it is often difficult to admit, I am highly intelligent. My level of thinking surpasses that of many of my peers. However, I fear that by embracing this gift I will simultaneously lose the connection between myself and those that I know and love. Not only am I burdened with the weight of being a first-generation college student, I am also challenged to serve as the “savior” of the community which raised me. I am referred to as “the one who made it out.” However, I am also forced to stay out.

            In the midst of “we’re so proud of you” and “we knew you would be somebody great,” comes “you ain’t no better than none of us” and “you don’t never come see us no more.” I am constantly forced to choose between my own well being and the feelings of loved ones. They don’t understand that spending a weekend in a house where drugs are sold is a risk that I cannot take. They don’t understand why “lightin’ a blunt with the fam” isn’t an option. I can’t “go for a ride” or “make a run” anymore. With education comes both a personal and social responsibility that I cannot neglect. So does that mean I must neglect the individuals who have never neglected me?

            I feel as though with each credit hour earned I am forced to turn my back on someone who changed my diaper, picked me up when I fell, fought for and with me, or cried with me. With each degree I erase a portion of who I am. Honestly, I’m not even sure if that’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make. What good is attaining the highest certificate of membership in the academic community if I lose the connection to my own community? Why should I even bother? The only reason that grasps hold of my heart is to try simply because I can. I am a product of an environment where all the statistics say that we can’t. My procurement of a doctoral degree will be proof that we can.  I don’t need a doctoral degree for my career. I am not interested in proving to the academic community that I have superb research and writing skills. I need a doctoral degree to tell my family, friends, and community that we can, in spite of everything that says we can’t.